Veg Chilli

3 Men and a Cupboard (or Reggae, Steady-Cook)

We, the fine gentlemen of the Bristol M.C.C. decided to wing it. After rummaging in the cupboard+fridge we came up with chilli con veduras (a.k.a.veg chilli innit? My good readers).

The recipe goes a little something like this…

  • 2 white onions,2 red onions-chopped chunky.
  • 1 red+1 yellow pepper-chop chunk.
  • 5 cloves garlic-cut into slivers (like in “Goodfellas”).
  • 1 carrot-cut lengthways+then across chunky.
  • 2 tins tomatoes.
  • Tin kidney beans.
  • Bunch coriander.
  • Tsp.cocoa powder.
  • 5 spring onions-top’n’tailed, cut in 2.
  • Tsp.ground coriander.
  • 2 tsps mild chilli powder.
  • 1 fresh red chilli-finely sliced (wash ya hands b4 takin a leak,or suffer one (very sore) eye!
  • 2 tbsp tomato puree.

Chop up veg,like so.

Put a good splash of olive oil in a big hi-sided pan, put on stove, full heat. When the oil is smoking add red+white onions, peppers+carrot. Add a punch (not pinch) of salt and 10 grinds of pepper. Stir it up, allow to sizzle for 2 to 3 mins.

Turn heat right down+put a lid on. Here’s the science bit, NOT. This retains the moisture+ allows the veg to “sweat down” or soften. Stir from time to time to avoid it sticking+burning.

Once the veg is soft add garlic+chilli, turn heat up to about 3/4 and stir from time to time. Do this for about 2-3 mins, then add spring onions+all the dried spices (except cocoa powder). Let the spices fry to release their flavour and mingle (i.e. stir) with the veg for 3 mins.


Now add tomato puree+fry’n’mingle as before. Add tin toms + simmer for about 10-15 mins. Put ya spoon in and taste, you do know how to taste don’t you? You jus… anyroad, I digress, check for seasoning, if tin toms were a bit sharp, add a pinch of sugar. Now, chuck in kidney beans+cocoa powder. Allow the beans to heat thru. Finally fling in the fresh coriander. Serve with whatever was in the bag/cupboard – rice, cous-cous, bread, they gert tortilla chips, loike! Oh, and a dollop of sour cream on top is like the icing on the cake so to speak.

Unfortunately we were down to 2 men tonight, as Liam (the kung-fu kid) had the mother, father+uninvited uncle of hang-overs and just wandered round mumbling in a very non shaolin style. But he was with us all the same, bless. Mark (the geekmeister) cooked what you see before you under my tutelage, when he wasn’t playing his new Nintendo handheld, no, I stand corrected, his DEE ESS. You are a fully grown N.E.R.D.(No-one Eva Rates my Digital shit), Mark and we love you all the same. As for me, I did the writtin’, kitchen direction and all that and that and thing.

  • We listened to D.J. Shortkuts “Blunted with a Beat Junkie” reggae mix bizness.
  • We drank some coffee and fizzy pop.
  • We smoked some roll-ups (I thank I smelt that pot stuff, too)

This has been brought to you by the number 3, the colour purple (a healing colour, the hippies tell me) and the statement “Children are our Future”.

Special thanks to George for putting up with the whole “MEN” thing.
To Mark and Liam “Word, Yo!”
To my daughters-loves ya. Rice+peace, Pat Floyd-recovering chef, addict and alcoholic.
P.S. “MEN”- It’s not just a fad, it’ a way of life.
P.P.S And don’t get me started on Jamie Oliver, I mean fair play with the schools and that, but he’s… Yeah, maybe next time.
Be Seeing You.

2 Replies to “Veg Chilli”

  1. This Chilli was really flippin’ nice. Much better than the watery, tomatoey veggie chillie I’ve had in the past. Top one Pat. Shame I overcooked the rice a little, but you know, next time… And it’s DS and it’s that bloody WarioWare Touched…

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