Ingredients

• 6 chunky garlic cloves
• 1 thumb of ginger
• 1 green chili
• 1 medium onion
• 2-3 seconds olive oil
• 1 tablespoon ground cumin
• 1 tablespoon ground corriander
• 1 tablespoon curry powder
• 1 tablespoon mild chili powder
• 500g Puy lentils (about 3 D-cups)
• 1 can coconut milk

First off, finely slice the garlic so you have thin slivers. Fry them off in a pan with your olive oil till they go a nutty brown colour. Peel and dice the ginger, chili and onion, then add them to the nutty coloured garlics. Add a good pinch of salt and a few grinds of black pepper, bung the lid on and let it all sweat.

When it has all sweated off, you can add your spices and another second of olive oil. So that’s tablespoons of; ground cumin, ground corriander, curry powder and mild chili powder. Give it all a good stir and when it has nicely mixed, shimmy in the lentils. Cover with hot water and bring to bubblation, then simmeration till its thick, which will probably be about 30 mins.Add coconut milk 10 mins from the end. Less liquid , more cooking for a thicker dahl or vice versa.

This really is pretty simple and hard to get wrong. Certainly brings the sweat out of you which is probably like a detox or something. So it can go down as health food then.

Ingrediants

• 1 D-cup of Whole meal flour
• 1 D-cup of chick pea flour
• Olive Oil
• Salt
• 1/2 a mug of warm water
• butter

“D-cup” are your standard fair bra sizes, but before you grab your better halfs bra from the wardrobe, you may want to put your hands together to form a bowl and fill that up instead.

This is my first foray into making bread and although apparently yeast is a normal thing in bread (to make it rise so they say) this kind of bread doesn’t rise and is really really quick to make.

After having fun with a bra, empty the flour into a bowl, and pour in five seconds of the olive oil (make sure it has a slow pourer) and throw in a good punch of salt. Also work in the warm water a bit at a time. Mix this up until the dough is a nice workable consistancy, not to gloopy, not too hard, think play dough or plasticine. If it’s not malleable enough add a touch more water, if it’s too gooey add a touch more flour…

Once you’re happy, let it rest, cover the bowl with a damp cloth and leave it for 20 mins. Honestly I can’t remember why you do this, so perhaps someone can remind me…

Anway 20 mins later, sprinkle some flour on your work top and your rolling pin. We didn’t have a rolling pin so our tool of choice was an old wine bottle which worked great. Grab your dough out of the bowl, knead it, roll it, and generally man handle it and then grab yourself a good handfull and flatten with the rolling pin, it needs to be thin. I think we got about 10 patties.

Heat up a frying pan to a medium to high heat, add a knob of butter and chuck in your first pattie, give it about 30 seconds to a minute each side, it should be a bubbly brown colour. Do the lot and you’re ready to scoop up the fabulous curry that you’ve just made…

Anyroad, it’s proper tasty…For 4/5 peepers you need: 1kg diced chicken, 4 onions, 8 cloves of garlic(good 4 u), 2 thumbsized pieces ginger, 1 green chilli, 1 tin coconut milk, 3 tblsp plain yoghurt, 3 punches(handfuls)dessicated coconut, 10 cardamon pods, 4 cloves, 2 bayleaves, 2 tsp ground coriander, 3 tsp turmeric, 3 tsp cumin, 1 tsp curry powder, pinch of cinnamon. Now check the method…

Put chicken in a large bowl, add cumin, turmeric, coriander, cinnamon, curry powder, a good punch of salt, and grind that peppermill like you just don’t care( to taste) and a splash of groundnut oil. Now mix it all up. Don’t be frightened, be rugged. So the chicken is effectively having a period of marination.

In the meantime, the inbetween time, get your lacky to finely slice the onions(this avoids anyone thinking you’ve bin crying and that you, like, might have some feelings going on or something) , and finely chop the garlic, green chilli & ginger.

Righty ho, then. Next put large saucepan on a med/high heat and add 2/3 seconds of oil(on a slow pour bottle), let it get hot, sling in the onions, add a pinch of salt, stir and put a lid on it & allow to sweat down. Once the onions are soft, take the lid off, turn heat back up & let them get some golden type colour. Add garlic, chilli. ginger, stirring on the reggy regular to avoid burning. Allow to cook n’ sizzle for couple of mins and put in the chicken, doing more of the same- sizzle n’ stir. Don’t cook the chicken all the way thru at this point, just give it some colour, otherwise the end result will be very dry.

Finally, put in the rest of the ingreed-a-ments…coconut, cardamon, cloves etc, turn the heat down low, put lid on & allow the flavours to bubble away & get intimate for about 15/20 mins. Taste, check for seasoning…All good? Serve with basmati rice ( or chips, if your hard)

Anyway this is the first thing that I’ve ever properly cooked and the first night of the Mens Cookery Club, so with the help of MCC Sensi and commy chef Liam we made a wicked Thai Green Curry.

Ingredients

• Green and Red Pepper
• 2 Sticks of Lemon Grass
• 1 Lime
• 1 Big Green Chilli
• 4 Cloves of Garlic
• Bunch of Coriander
• 4 chicken Breasts
• A Jar of Thai curry paste
• 1 big onion
• Sesame Oil
• Olive Oil
• Chilli Oil
• Salt
• Pepper
• Basmati Rice
• Coconut milk
• Chunk of ginger
• 2 Chicken Stock Cubes

Preparation

The Chick Chock
Clean the chicken breasts of as much of the white stringy fatty bits as you can, taking off the little flappy bits of flesh first. Once fatless cut them into large chunks about the size of your big toe (unless you’re a dwarf and then probably about 1 big toe and your little one too) and then chuck them into a large bowl and pour olive oil over them for about 4 full seconds, then do the same with sesame oil for about 2 seconds. Add a large pinch of salt, a few grinds of black pepper and the lime zest. The lime fucking what? Get a cheese grater, one with the small gratey holes, and gently grate ONLY the green bit of the lime, try not to get any pith in there as this is bitter and tastes like shit (literally, you know what I’m talking about scat fans). Once you have a white furry lime, toss the chicken around in the bowl for a minute until fully coated with the oily mixture and put it to one side while we chop the veggies.

The Veggies
Finely slice the lemon grass after removing the outer layer of skin and the root. Drop the lemon grass into a bowl of vinegar, this will soften the grass enough for it to be eaten and digested, not like the great big bits of grass that get stuck in your throat when you’re at “Teds Thai Curry House”. Chop up the peppers and onion into big man chunks, making sure that there is no onion skin, pepper pith or seeds. Chop the garlic and ginger up as finely as you can after first peeling them both. De-seed the chilli and slice finely, wash your hands straight away or woe betide the next time you have a wee.

The Business
Stick the kettle on and pour out about a pint of hot water and add the chicken stock cubes, give it a stir and leave it.

Put a large frying pan on quite a high heat (3/4 of full power) add the marinated chicken and shake about until the chicken is evenly distributed over the pan. The oil from the chicken should be enough for this, but if not add a little more olive oil to the pan and shake again.

As the MCC Sensi keeps telling me,

“Don’t be afraid of the pan. The pan is your friend”

You know, I’m loving my pan.

We don’t want to cook the chicken now, just seal it up, so once the chicken chunks look white instead of pink all over (keep loving the pan), pour the chicken from the pan into a clean bowl, keep as much of the oil as you can while leaving a little still in the pan.

Put the frying pan back on the heat and add a little chilli oil (1-2 tablespoons), a little more sesame oil than the chilli oil, and then about twice as much olive oil than the sesame oil. Chuck in the onions and peppers and let them cook for two or three minutes on a high heat and then add the garlic, chilli, ginger and the strained lemon grass (get rid of the vinegar). Stir all this up for another few minutes and then chuck all the veggies into a large pot on a medium heat. Get the chicken and add that to the veggies, oil an all and give it a good stir to get everything nicely mixed up. Find the chicken stock that you made earlier and pour it in while stirring the pot, no hurry here, just pour and stir and then leave to simmer for a few minutes. Add about half a jar of curry paste, we got ours from Sainsburys, but apparently you can get much bigger tastier jars from any Chinese supermarket and you don’t need to add as much. Stir the pot for a minute and leave to simmer while you go and have a spliff, arm wrestle, round for a pound, goat testicle ludo or whatever it is you do.

Right then, now then, smashing, we’re back after our five minute break. Pour in the coconut milk and squeeze the lime into the pot and stir for a minute. Now is the time for a taste, grab a spoon and give it a go, you may have to add a little more curry paste or salt. Put on a large pan of cold water with a little bit of olive oil and a large pinch of salt. While the pan is heating up, wash two and a half cups of basmati rice in a sieve under a cold tap, this gets rid of the starch and helps to stop it from sticking. Once the water is boiling add the rice, give it a stir and leave it for about 8 minutes. After about 4 minutes rip up the coriander and add it to the pot of veg and chick and give it a good stir. Test the rice after the 8 minutes and if it’s cooked strain off the water and leave to stand while you get your bowls out or else just leave it simmering a little longer. I think it’s better to get the rice out a tiny bit early as it will soak up the juice from the curry…

Get four bowls out and half fill with rice, ladle the curry into the bowls with a fair heap of juice so that it almost seems a bit like a soup, the rice then soaks this up. Serve with a drizzle of chilli oil, a rip of coriander and tra la la we made a flipping lovely curry. I still can’t believe it.