For some extra girth, you will need

• 85g pudding rice
• 150ml (1/4 pint) water
• 500ml (1 pint) milk
• 1 teasponn of vanilla essence
• 2 to 3 punches of sugar
• 50g almonds (whole and blanched)
• 300ml (just over 1/2 a pint) whipping cream

You need to be quite precise with these measurements. So investing in scales and a measuring jug would be a good thing. Alternatively, you may know of a “girl” that has “domestic equipment”. Be not afraid of them, they will help you. What’s more, 85g of pudding rice really doesn’t look like much but do not be fooled into adding more. This rice will soon absorb all the liquid.So, to get going, in a pan large enough to hold the ingredients, add the rice, water, milk and sugar and bring to the boil. When bubblation is reached, turn down the heat for some simmeration.

2/. Just simmer it for about 40 minutes or until the rice has absorbed the liquid. Not sloppy either mind, or you will end up with some kind of pudding / soup hybrid. Either way, the pudding needs to be cold for the next bit. With method 1 you will have a cold pudd but with method 2 you must wait.

Do not worry if it looks a bit stodgy, Stodgy at this stage is good, when we add the whipped cream, it will loosen up. Whip the cream in a manly fashion with a whisk, or use an electric version. Get the cream nice and stiff but don’t go to far or you will end up with butter. Next you must gently fold the whipped cream into the rice. Fold?, I hear you ask. The idea is not to mix it to hard. This will just get rid of the air you just beat into it. You just want to combine the rice and cream.

Finally, crush up the almonds keeping one whole one to the side. Best way is to put them in a clear plastic bag and beat them with a rolling pin, or a wooden spoon. You will end up with crushed nuts. Take a while to get your breath back then carry on. Fold your nuts into the pudding gently, including the whole one. Whoever gets the whole almond, wins a prize, usually a car, or a smallish country.

This pudding is traditionally served with a cherry sauce and, there is fierce debate in Denmark as to whether it should be a hot or a cold sauce. How the long winter evenings must fly by. Don’t get involved – use your favourite jam. Cherry, blackberry, raspberry…. whichever you fancy. You can even heat some up and join the debate. Careful you don’t burn your tongue though.

Incidentally, this pudding goes rather well with the following choons: B52′s – “6060-842″, The Clash – “White Man in Hammersmith Palais” and Ian Dury and The Blockheads – “Sweet Gene Vincent”

Also, whilst this may look a touch involved, it is infact fairly simple. Take your time, do each bit in the order that it is written and keep the recipe to hand. The hardest bit is the custard but all you need to remember, is to pour slowly and keep stirring.

here’s what you’ll need…

• 1 Large orange zest
• 50g sultanas
• Grand Marnier/Brandy/Whisky (just one…)
• 200g Brioche
• 150ml milk
• 150ml double cream
• 50g Maya Gold orange spiced chocolate (or just good quality dark chocolate)
• 1 medium egg
• 1 egg yolk
• 50g sugar

Take the zest from the orange using the really small “setting” on the grater. You can get a special tool for the job, which is great but only if you do a lot of zesting. Put half of the zest in a bowl with the sultanas or raisins if you prefer. Pour in a large measure and a splash more of booze. Grand Marnier is great because it has orange essence in it, but Brandy is good and so is Whisky. If you have none of these or refrain from alcohol you could warm them in a pan with water. The idea is to get them nice and plump. If you’re going the boozy way, you can do this bit the day before but a couple of hours is enough.

Next, Brioche. Brioche is a french bread made with butter. It’s quite sweet, so good for a pud, and because there is butter in it, it saves us having to spread it on. The loaf I got was 400g and I used half of it cut into slices a little less than a thumbs width. Then cut those slices in half. Smear the bottom of an ovenproof dish with a finger scoop of butter (or a little oil) and cover the bottom with half the bricoche.This is so it will not stick. Then put half the sultana/booze mix on top, the rest of the Brioche in another layer and finally the rest of the sultanas.

I used a 20cm cake tin which fit the pud perfectly. But it doesn’t have to be a round dish, it can be any dish, as long as it’s ovenproof and about the same size. If you’re not sure, do a dry run with the bread to see how well it fits. So long as half the bread covers the bottom, you’re on to a winner.

As the liquid begins to boil, turn down the heat and add the chocolate, a few chunks at a time, whilst whisking. When it has all been mixed in, slowly add the chocolte milk to the pale and frothy egg mix, whisking all the time. If you can get someone to help here, it would be a bonus. One pour slowly, one whisk fast. If not, just take your time. When you’ve combined the lot pour it over the Brioche, fill all the litlle gaps and don’t forget the top. Now just leave it on the side for t least 15 minutes, preferably longer. You want the bread to soak up all the liquid.

• 4 eggs (separated)
• 4 Tablespoons of sugar
• 1/2 a cup of double cream
• A cup of strong coffee
• A teaspoon of honey
• Packet Amaretti biscuits
• 500g Tub of mascarpone
• Vanilla essence
• 4 squares of good quality chocolate (grated)

Begin by separating the yolks from the whites. With the 4 yolks in a bowl, add the sugar and then beat the mixture until it pales. Beat the eggwhites in a different bowl until they form soft peaks. Whip the cream until thick in a suitable container. Make a cup of really strong coffee, instant or real, just make sure it’s good and strong so you get a decent coffee flavour and stir in a teaspoon of honey. When the coffee is cold (perhaps make it earlier) put it in a bowl and add the Amaretti biscuits. Cover them with coffee then put them to the side on a plate.

Now, plop the mascarpone into a bowl and add the pale yolk and sugar mix, folding in gently. Do the same with the whipped cream, folding gently, grasping the shaft of your tool firmly and working it into a crescendo. Stir in a splash of vanilla essence and then really gently, fold in the egg whites, being carefull not to beat the air out of those fluffy whites.

For the finished pudding you will need a bowl big enough for all the ingredients you have prepared. Preferably a glass one to show off this fantastic pud. Place a layer of the coffee soaked biscuits in the bottom of your recepticle and cover them with the creamy mixture. Atop of that place the rest of the biscuits as evenly as possible and then the rest of the mixture. Finally, you need to add the grated chocolate. It is easier to grate the chocolate on to a plate first and goes without saying that it will be easier if the chocolate is cold, so use it from the fridge. Also, it looks better if you grate using the finer setting on your grater. Sprinkle the chocolate on top of the pudding.
Then bang it in the fridge for as long as possible. At the very least a couple of hours but best overnight, when the biscuits will relax a bit more. My family are all wheat intolerant, so I shall try this recipe with macaroons and will let you all know how it goes.

I thought that as it’s supposed to be how to make ladies love me forever I’d give it a go on a couple of lovely ladies that I managed to drag in from the wild, and result of results, it err, well take a look.

Identities have been hidden to protect the innocent (and to stop you from turning to stone).

I know, I know. They were supposed to turn into romanticised lust filled power maidens, but instead, a giggling, cackling pair of chocolate gorging witches, with one purpose only – eat chocolate. Munch the choc.

Oh well, back to a pint and packet of peanuts next time love!

Ingredients for the mousse of doom are

• 200g of Dark chocolate (Green & Blacks?)
• 1 Orange
• 4 Eggs

I’m looking at that huge list of ingredients and laughing to myself still.

First lets deal with the orange, we need to get the “zest”. Get out the grater and using the little holes gently scrape of the peel. Not too heavy as we don’t want any of the pith – it makes things bitter you know. Do this until the whol orange is “white” and you have a little pile of orange caterpillar poo, umm, sorry zest.

Lush.

Now for a bay marie, bam marie, or summat. You know this has right put me off the name marie. Anyway, put some water in a pan and heat it up. Magically balance a bowl on top of the pan so the steam heats up the bowl. The water need not be bubbling, just hot. Break up the chocolate and drop it into the bowl and it will slowly melt. Apparently if we just stuck it into a pan it would go all grainy. Be patient it will go, give it a stir every now and again.

Now we need to seperate the eggs while the choc is melting. Eh? Seperate eggs? Crack open an egg gently, pour it into your hand and let the white drip through the cracks between your fingers into a bowl, be gentle, don’t break the yolk, maybe pass the yolk to your other hand and then back again. Leaving you just the yolk which can go into another bowl. Do all four and luvley jubbly.

The white should be in a big bowl as we are going to whisk it into a frenzy. So get yer strong arm on or wuss out and use a mechanical one (not a mechanical arm a whisk), either way you want a fluffy cloud like mixture, with “peaks that don’t fall”.

By now the chocolate should’ve melted and you can add the zest and squeeze in the juice from the Orange too. Remove the bowl from marie (ouwch!) and pour the juice in slowly and stir it into the chocolate. Next stir in the egg yolks. It’s things like this that us folk who are ignorant of cooking just wouldn’t believe… Raw yolks mixed with chocolate? Who new?

Nearly done… Once all that lot is nicely combined, we add it to the egg whites, stirring it in as we go. By the time all of the mix is in it will look like mousse, although I was scared for a bit as it just looked like frothy mud for a minute or two.

Scoop the mousse out and put into small bowls, this makes enough for four decent small bowls, and put in the fridge for a bit. Although if you are making this for the fairer sex then, just leave it in the big bowl and tell her it’s in the fridge.

This is a heavy mousse (GU?), which is fine by me, but apparently you can add another egg white to fluff it up a bit more.

The pictures are a bit dodgy this time, sorry ’bout that, i’ll turn the light off of the W800i next time.