Masochistic MAYONNAISE – at last

For a while now, I’ve been meaning to post up Sensi’s Mayo. We’ve actually made it twice, and I’ve even attempted it at home a few times to varying degrees of success. It’s one of those things that is so simple yet so hard to master (a bit like chess) that I’ve been putting off writing it up until I had it sussed. That is until now…

Find below the ultimate Mayo recipe as written by the girlfriends dad, he’s mentioned it to me before and I’ve even tasted it a fair few times, but the other day, Nick, finally reckons that he’s mastered it and offered up the recipe, it turns out we make masochistic Mayo, see what you think…


Mayonnaise has nothing to do with Mayonne in France, but comes from a corruption of Mahon capital of Minorca.

As is usual, the food is produced from what the local house-wife has had to hand over the years. It has been internationalised, and corrupted, ever since.

Traditionally whisked by hand, this version uses the modern kitchen convenience of a food processor. Those who have time to spare and are of a masochistic bent may like to follow the ‘correct’ method given after the the ‘cheats’ version .

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I can barely keep with Sensi’s global peripatetic, for this week, we reached North Africa. Personally, I had never tried Harissa, so my palate has again been educated and I am very pleased about it. You can easily buy this stuff ready made. But that’s no fun. Even Redeye, with his whimsical fearful ways was up for making this from scratch, especially as it will last for a couple of months in the fridge. I say that it will last but the one we made at MCC did not. Gert Lush, as they say in Tunisia.



  • 2 Red Peppers
  • 2 Green chili
  • 2 Red chili
  • 5 chunky garlic cloves
  • A teaspoon of fennel seeds
  • Pinch of saffron
  • 1/2 punch of cumin
  • 1/2 punch of corriander
  • 2 seconds of olive oil

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Onion and Mushroom Gravy

You can’t have bangers and mash without gravy. Gravy is the sauce of life. The fuel of winter. That which lubricates our very soul. I could go on but I fear I may alienate our honoured reader. Anyway, if your experience of gravy is a brown lumpy mess, let me enlighten you. (Actually, it is quite lumpy but that’s because of the mushrooms).

  • 1 medium red onion
  • About 8 – 10 mushrooms
  • A splash of balsamic vinegar
  • A splash of soy sauce
  • 1/2 pint of chicken stock
  • salt and pepper

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Rocinantes Red Pepper Sauce (Homage to Barney)

Sometimes food can be a tad dry or lacking in a bit of colour. So you need a wet and vivid saviour. A bit like me. I am often wet and invariably vivid. This Homage to Barney was made with the Tuna fishcakes and the two went together like Tommy Canon and Bobby Ball without the braces. I suppose the Vegetangles (patent applied for) could be a bit like braces but, I digress. (Our American friends will have to insert their own quality comedy double act for Canon & Ball)


  • 2 red peppers
  • 1 medium onion
  • 4 chunky garlics
  • Good splash of Balsamic Vinegar
  • and a good splash of Soy sauce
  • 1/2 a cup of water
  • Olive oil
  • A teaspoon of honey
  • Salt and Pepper

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Slightly Spicy Guacamole

So, with last week’s phat phajitas, there was the salsa from a tin and this rather lovely gaucamole. Guacamole, whilst looking a bit snotty and unnattractive, is undoubtedly fantastic and works great as a starter with toasted pitta or crudite and such like and is not to be sniffed at. It’s a piece of piss too, you just lob it all in a blender. You do’t even have to be to precise with the ingredients – if you like garlic, chuck more in and the same goes with the cayenne.



  • 4 cloves of Garlic
  • 3 avocados
  • Pinch of cayenne pepper
  • Olive oil
  • Juice from 1 ½ lemons
  • Salt and pepper

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Peter Pipers Pickled Pesto

Ok, it’s not pickled, I’m not Peter, but it IS Pesto. I adore pesto. It’s simple, it’s easy to make and easy to use whenever you want a quick meal. To be honest I like pesto out of a jar, but there’s something about making your own pesto (like mayonaise) that just feels right.

Pesto and Spaghetti


  • Pine nuts (100g)
  • Grated Parmesan
  • 2 cloves of garlic
  • Basil
  • Olive oil
  • Lemon Juice
  • Salt and pepper

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